Being the idiot that I am, I did not wipe out the computer with my information in it. So now I am awaiting a visit from Chris Hansen at my house to let me "Have a seat."
Thursday, December 29, 2011
You can't write this shit..But I'll try anyway
So I just put an old computer tower I had in my basement for sale on craigslist. No, computer tower is not a euphemism and I was selling it for dollars not "roses." Glen (Of course his name is fuckin' Glen) emails me and asks to meet in a well lit area with lots of people, yeah I'm the one to worry about. The guy shows up in an old Dodge Shadow, with extremely illegal dark tint..SHOCKER. I was immediately amazed I didn't hear screams muffled by duct tape in the trunk. Dressed in what I hoped was paint covered sweatpants, velcro shoes, and a snazzy 4 sizes too big Bar Harbor, ME shirt this guy clearly was a card carrying member of the "Sex Offender Club"....Level 3.
Weird Sceince: Chicken-O-Saurus
This Weeks weird Science Story is alot like Jurassic Park. And alot like Frankenstein. And alot like Chicken Run.
Paleontologist Jack Horner wants to turn Chickens back into Dinosaurs. Simple enough. Sounds like an honest days worth of work, right? Who WOULDN'T want a Chickenosaurus running around the coop? I personally can't stand chickens so he's got my blessing. If they didn't taste excellent and create the key tool for an omelet, chickens woulda been gone years ago. They're annoying, they have terrible skin texture, and they do that weird Micheal Myers head tilt thing when they look at you. Who needs that shit?
Insert lab created MiniDinosaur * HERE*
I'm all about a MiniDinosaur, you would be THE talk of the park walking that thing around. Personally I'd breed them for racing, but there are just SOOO many possibilities to list for the uses of and for a Mini Dinosaur. So here's my Top Ten:
10) MiniDinosaur Racing (think of all the sponsors!)
9) MiniDinosaur Dino-shows (love to see a judge see how tight a MinoDino's ass is..and live to tell about it)
8) Seeing-Eye MiniDinosaurs (They can see everything...well, that is, unless it doesn't move)
7) MiniDinosaur Nip (Just Sprinkle some on ur friend who's passed out for a fun party gag / circumcision)
6) MiniDinosaur Eggs (cuz i want a scrambled egg that Spielberg could make a movie about)
5) MiniDinosaur Police Dinos ("Come out with your hands up!...and still attached to your body!")
4) MiniDinosaur Cages (*note: install a backup generator in case of power outage during a tropical storm)
3) MiniDinosaur Bestiality (what? you wouldn't pay to see how that would go down?)
2) MiniDinosaur Movies (because "All MiniDinosaurs Go To Heaven" has a good ring to it)
1) MiniDinosaur Fetch (well, have you fucking thrown a Frisbee to a dinosaur? Didn't think so.)
Got any other things you would want to do with a MiniDinosaur...please tell me :)
Story: http://news.yahoo.com/dino-chicken-wacky-serious-science-idea-2011-140407643.html
Gadget Review: The Protest Survival Kit
OK, don't get me wrong, I'm all about the funding site Kickstarter.com, which solely is responsible for getting various projects for regular people off the ground by aiding funding. With that being said, This idea is fucking retarded (for lack of an available thesaurus).
The "Kit" consists of:
1) Respirator Mask.
So not only will you look like a total asshole, no one around you will even be able to understand what the hell your trying to say. Thank you for not Smoking.
1) Pair of Safety Goggles
Because when entering a Riot, you can never be too safe when trying to avoid getting sawdust in your eye. Tear Gas?? Pffffff
1) Pair of Ear Plugs
so when the police inevitably show up to your protest, god knows they wont be happy. and when police in Riot Gear aren't happy, They Yell. And that hurts. "What? Go where??? What Baton?"
1)Pepper Spray Cleansing Wipe
Shoot me once, shame on you...but shoot me twice...shit i didn't pack a second Rapist wet nap.
1)Poncho
Can never be to sure of that pesky weatherman, so why not pack a poncho? A little rain never stopped a riot
1)Cotton Hood
don't worry, its made out of 100% cotton, that can repel Bricks, Rocks, Stones, Human Feces and Tazers.
I know this doesn't technically a "Gadget" but hey, it was on a Gadget Site so I'm running with it. This could be the dumbest idea for a "Kit:" That I have ever seen. No one in history has ever left for a protest and thought to themselves "hmm...did i pack those earplugs?". Take Vancouver's Protest after they lost the Stanley Cup this past summer. Do you honestly think 1single person in that Riot was worried about if they wore their Cotton Hood or not, as they were flipping a police car? Pretty useless Eh?
Gadget Verdict: 5 Cow Pies out of 5. (Extremely Shitty Gadget)
BBC Female "Face of the Year" Award Goes to...
and everyone is SO shocked??!! did they look at this list at all? Sweetie had almost ZERO competition!! Of course she would win paws down going against a Duchess who is 85 and looks like what would have happened if Einstein had an illegitimate child with Ron Pearlman. I also find it pretty ironic how on a list of women's head shots, the first one was actually a woman who suffered from a head shot. Sweetie has my vote, and Scotland should be happy...now that someone actually has a reason to go to Scotland in the next 10 years.
Story: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16200429
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