You can't write this shit..But I'll try anyway

So I just put an old computer tower I had in my basement for sale on craigslist. No, computer tower is not a euphemism and I was selling it for dollars not "roses." Glen (Of course his name is fuckin' Glen) emails me and asks to meet in a well lit area with lots of people, yeah I'm the one to worry about. The guy shows up in an old Dodge Shadow, with extremely illegal dark tint..SHOCKER. I was immediately amazed I didn't hear screams muffled by duct tape in the trunk. Dressed in what I hoped was paint covered sweatpants, velcro shoes, and a snazzy 4 sizes too big Bar Harbor, ME shirt this guy clearly was a card carrying member of the "Sex Offender Club"....Level 3.

Being the idiot that I am, I did not wipe out the computer with my information in it. So now I am awaiting a visit from Chris Hansen at my house to let me "Have a seat."